Find New Friends: Basic Tips For Getting Back Into The Game
Dear Dr. Matchalot,
My question is about making friends. I have been a little depressed for the past few years and so have been spending most of my time alone at home. However, I am starting to feel a little better and would like to make friends with some new people. Problem is I have no friends left as I pretty much pushed everybody away while I was in the grip of my depression. What can I do to re-build my social life and find some new friends?
Dear Ready to come out from the dark,
Making friends isn’t rocket science. In fact, most of us make friends naturally and don’t really have to try too hard. However, if you are a loner type or just a bit shy, the following tips will help as you try to expand your social circle.
The first thing to keep in mind is that almost anybody can make friends if they really want to and make a little bit of effort. Starting with the basics, it helps if you are presentable, i.e. take a shower, brush your teeth and put on something presentable. Also, remember to smile like you mean it. The more fun and exciting you are to be around, the more friends you will make.
Next, don’t be afraid to ask people out. Just keep it casual and simple in the beginning. And while you are waiting for someone to ask out, you might want to get a life of your own. Pick up a new hobby, read a book, or go out and catch a movie. Doing these things will get you out and about and will also give you something to talk about when you do eventually find someone you’d like to be friends with.
Next, don’t be afraid to draw on your current contacts and their social circles. You say you have no friends now as you shut everybody out. However, you must know somebody at work, school, church and the like who can help you plant a few new seeds. Most people will be more than happy to help you out in this way if you are honest and remain positive.
Another thing you need to do is to make sure you accept each and every invitation you receive, even if you would rather not go. If someone invites you to a funeral, then you should go. You never know when or how you are going to meet a new friend.
If you do meet somebody that seems interesting, make an extra effort to get their contact information. This may take a bit of nerve at first, but once you’ve done it a few times it gets easy. Just make a simple request for a phone number or maybe an email address. Make sure people also have your contact info in case they ever want to invite you along somewhere.
In the beginning, you also want to make sure you are not too choosy when it comes to who you hang out with. Your initial goal is to get a life. You can worry about getting a better life later down the road. Don’t have an unrealistic self-image that demands you can only spend time with a certain caliber of people. Be open to others and you’ll have a much better chance.
You may also want to try out a dating site to make friends online in the beginning. I of course recommend www.matchalot.com, which you should understand after looking at my name again.
And last but not least, remember to be patient. Making friends takes time, so stick with it, enjoy the small successes, and before you know it you’ll be the toast of the town.
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